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- Arrive early and re-arrange all the chairs so they are facing the back of the class. Sit attentively in the front seat.
- Address your tutor only as Spock and when raising your hand always do the Vulcan hand sign
- When your tutor asks you a question, insist that you only speak in binary and speak explicitly in zeros and ones, or make bleeping noises for the rest of the class
- Alternatively, when your tutor asks you a question, ask if you can phone a friend or do a 50/50. Refer to he/she as Eddie.
- Every time the tutor writes up an answer, shout ‘Eureka! He’s got it!” Scribble crazily into your notebook.
- Refuse to do anything your tutor tells you because he/she and the environment are not real – they’re simply agents of The Matrix trying to dupe you into their master scheme
- Whistle the first seven notes of ‘It’s A Small World”. Then repeat. Again. And again. And again.
- Fill your pencil case with nothing but condoms. When the class starts, tap the nearest person on the shoulder and gesture to your pencil case apologetically tell them that you forgot to bring a pen. Explain that American movies taught you to prepare for university in a different way. Wink suggestively.
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