Real Estate Dictionary
For those of you who are out to buy houses, here's some popular real estate terminology and what they really mean in layman's terms:
- Vintage - if you touch it, it will break
- Intelligently designed - the toilet is cleverly inside the premises
- Cosy - will cure even the most deep seated agoraphobiacs
- Great investment opportunity - we're not even going to try and pretend - we both know you won't even consider actually living in this craphole yourself
- Panoramic view - missing a wall
- Lots of character - gaudishly fugly.
- The size will surprise - the surprise is that there is no size
- Recently renovated - given a fresh coat of paint to hide all those structurally worrying cracks (at a completely reasonable $200k premium of course)
- Charming villa unit - 1 of only 2 million on the block! experience the delights of living like a chicken in a chicken coop!
- Development opportunity - uh oh.
- Lots of natural light - we say skylight, you say hole in the roof. potayto, potarto.
- Secure brick home - the flimsy plywood door has a rusted padlock
- Well appointed kitchen - sexy kitchen has a nice rack (for drying dishes of course!)
- Stone's throw from great shops, schools and train station - if you could throw a stone 100km to chadstone
- Low maintenance - no garden! who needs a garden anyway? doesn't everybody love having their fence glued to their windows?
- Quietly nestled - the occupants of the property were murdered recently and all the neighbours have since moved away
