Yay for Salons!
Friday, December 25, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Guess the Character
As most of you have already figured out, the header to this blog is made from some letters of several famous logos. See if you can guess which famous brand they're from and then highlight the answers below to check if you're correct!
- T - Twix
- H - Hyundai
- E - Emirates
- L - Lego
- A - Apple
- M - m & ms
- B - Bounty
- C - Canon
- H - Hewlett Packard
- O - Oreo
- P - Puma
- P - Pez
- Y - Yahoo
- P - Playstation
- R - Roland
- O - Vodaphone
- J - Jello
- E - Internet Explorer
- C - CNN
- T - Tide
Sunday, November 29, 2009
How To Identify Genre of Music
You can't hear any melody and suspect your radio is broken because it's emitting a constant fuzzing noise - metal
There are absolutely no recognisable instruments playing - pop
The song is about a dog or a piece of roadkill (it's hard to tell through the accent) - country
The piano sounds like intermittently being randomly slammed by a meaty palm - jazz
Doof doof doof loop x 1,000,000 - trance
Booty sex 'shake that thang' sex booty - rap
Was there music? Sorry I fell asleep - ballad/ celine dion
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Real Estate Dictionary
For those of you who are out to buy houses, here's some popular real estate terminology and what they really mean in layman's terms:
- Vintage - if you touch it, it will break
- Intelligently designed - the toilet is cleverly inside the premises
- Cosy - will cure even the most deep seated agoraphobiacs
- Great investment opportunity - we're not even going to try and pretend - we both know you won't even consider actually living in this craphole yourself
- Panoramic view - missing a wall
- Lots of character - gaudishly fugly.
- The size will surprise - the surprise is that there is no size
- Recently renovated - given a fresh coat of paint to hide all those structurally worrying cracks (at a completely reasonable $200k premium of course)
- Charming villa unit - 1 of only 2 million on the block! experience the delights of living like a chicken in a chicken coop!
- Development opportunity - uh oh.
- Lots of natural light - we say skylight, you say hole in the roof. potayto, potarto.
- Secure brick home - the flimsy plywood door has a rusted padlock
- Well appointed kitchen - sexy kitchen has a nice rack (for drying dishes of course!)
- Stone's throw from great shops, schools and train station - if you could throw a stone 100km to chadstone
- Low maintenance - no garden! who needs a garden anyway? doesn't everybody love having their fence glued to their windows?
- Quietly nestled - the occupants of the property were murdered recently and all the neighbours have since moved away
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Duff Mints!
Dunno whether these are legit or not, or why you'd want a mini beer can full of mints, but here they are!Sunday, November 15, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
Rules For Calling Tech Support
1. When a tech says he's coming right over, log out and go for coffee. It's no problem for us to remember 2700 network passwords.
2. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals,dried flowers, and trophies. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
3. When tech support sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're probably just testing out the email system.
4.When a tech is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and explain your problem(s) and expect him to respond immediately. We exist only to serve and are always ready to think about fixing computers.
5. When a tech is at the coffee machine or outside having a smoke, ask him a computer question. The only reason why we drink coffee or smoke at all is to ferret out all those users who don't have eMail or a telephone line.
6. Send urgent e-mail ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
7. When you call a tech's direct line, press 5 to skip the bilingual greeting that says he's out of town for a week, record your message, and wait exactly 24 hours before you send an eMail straight to the director because no one ever returned your call. You're entitled to common courtesy.
8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it, right?
9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can even fix telephone problems from here.
10. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on a tech's chair with no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. We love a good mystery.
11. When you have a tech on the phone walking you through changing a setting; read the paper. We don't actually mean for you to DO anything; we just love to hear ourselves talk.
12. When we offer training on the upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother going. We'll be there to hold your hand after it is done.
13. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently just disappear for no reason.
14. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.
15. Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.
16. If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go around and update the network drivers for you and all your co-workers. We're grateful for the overtime when we have to stay until 2:30am fixing them.
17. When you have a tech fixing your computer at a quarter past one, eat your lunch in his face. We function better when slightly dizzy.
18. Don't ever thank us. We love this AND we get paid for it!
19. When a tech asks you whether you've installed any new software on this computer, lie. It's nobody's business what you've got on your computer.
20.If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 45 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.
21.If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards work much better with half a pound of muffin crumbs, nail clippings, and big sticky drops of Coke under the keys.
22. When you get the message saying "Are you sure?" click on that "Yes" button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?
23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap". It never bothers us to hear our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.
24.When you need to change the toner cartridge, call tech support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a Master's degree in nuclear physics.
25. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help esk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know jack sh*t about the problem.
26.When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a high-priority mail attachment. We've got plenty of disk space and processor capacity on that mail server.
27. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. God forbid somebody else might get a chance to squeeze into the print queue.
28. When you bump into a tech in the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We work 24 hours a day 7 days a week, even while at the grocery store on weekends.
29. If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. We'll be there for you when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes your Access database flip out.
30. When you bring us your own no-brand home PC to repair for free at the office, tell us how urgently we need to fix it so your son can get back to playing DOOM. We'll get right on it because we have so much free time at the office. Everybody knows all we do is surf the Internet all day anyway.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
MvC2 released on Xbox Live tomorrow!
Street Fighter fans, the wait is almost over! The last installment of the versus series is coming to Xbox Live and PSN and will be availble for download tomorrow, Wednesday July 29th for 1200 points and $14.99 respectively.
MvC2 has such a mind bogglingly huge character selection screen it even includes TWO wolverines! How awesome. And I haven't even gotten to the really awesome part yet!! The beautifully rendered but albeit forgettable backgrounds will be introduced for the first time ever in their true hi-res glory in the downloaded versions! YAY! I can hardly wait to stop playing the game so I can divert all my attention away from the characters and where all the action is happening and start staring at a hi-res picture of... some rattling gears and some shining blueness? Hoorah. Gee thanks Capcom, what a nice surprise - it was almost as good as the surprise I got when I went to see Oceans 11, and then went to see Oceans 12 and realised I paid $15 to see EXACTLY THE SAME GODDAMN MOVIE.
Following on from that lovely thought, here's a nice site that sums up 5 completely unnecessary direct-to-DVD sequels.
Limited Edition Madcatz FightSticks
Somebody at Madcatz sure likes orange or has an infatuation with all things Tic-Tac! The new orange-themed limited edition of the highly acclaimed Madcatz Tournament Edition Fightsticks have been released - and only available at Comic Con. Here's what a Madcatz rep had to say about the new theme:
"When we set out creating the Limited Edition artwork we knew that we had to create an impactful design that was radically different from the previous imagery and color schemes."
Dunno what about that screamed "ORANGE, SPLASH MORE ORANGE!" to the artwork designers at Madcatz, but I don't really think orange is that "radically different from the previous imagery and colour schemes". Radically different I would expect would be like a snakeskin, or glowing neon green or a Paris Hilton diamante encrusted theme (ala her signature Ninty DS), instead of a bright orange which is barely 50nm in wavelength away in the colour spectrum from the previous stick's crimson red, but whatever =p At least they made a damned good stick!
The bad news is that with only 500 of the stick made (250 for PS3 and another 250 for Xbox 360), us commoners have slim-to-none chance of picking up one of these limited editions, unless you're prepared to pay a seriously inflated price for one on eGay.
There's also limited edition joypads available with the new Tic-Tac orange colour scheme, but who cares! Those are only for chumps who only possess barely enough co-ordination for two fingers on each hand ;)
Friday, May 22, 2009
Chicken in a Can!
Can giving birth to a chicken:
Ooh yeah, check out that quality sauce:
Gives me chronic diarrhoea just looking at it! Woo!Thursday, February 12, 2009
This Is Why You're Fat.
I always get the same thought now when I think of McDonalds - that bloody awesome quote from the movie 'Hancock'.
Hancock: All of you people, blocking the intersection, you're all idiots.
Rail Crossing Crowd #1: You're the one that threw the dude's car at her. And what's with the train?
Rail Crossing Crowd #2: Why didn't you just go straight up in the air with the car? You've obviously injured that poor woman.
Rail Crossing Crowd #3: She's right. She should sue you.
Hancock: Okay. Well, you should sue McDonald's, 'cause they fucked you up.
Let's take a look at the yummy stuff that fucked me right up, but I don't give a shit coz they're just so goddamn tasty.
Like what you see? Then visit http://thisiswhyyourefat.com
Monday, February 9, 2009
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