Hamster-Powered Paper Shredder

Now I'm not much of a hamster person myself - I tend to think they're damned ugly and have as much charm as a mobile crapping machine. So understandably I got a little bit excited when I first heard about the Hamster-Powered Paper Shredder because I began to indulge in all kinds of fantasies about a device that converts them poo-filled hamsters into kinetic energy by burning them or some equally entertaining fate. Sadly no, my fantasies were dashed upon seeing a picture of the actual thing.

Anyway, Tom Ballhatchet's (oh yes, that's his real name) is the genius behind the Hamster-Powered Paper Shredder. How does it work? Well it's pretty simple. Just place your document to be shredded at the top of the cage and the hamsters peddling will shred the paper for you. And voila! Instant self-maintenance hamster! Shred enough paper in one day and you might not even be able to SEE the damned little crapper anymore and then it might just make a semi-bearable pet.